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Welcome to the human race, kid.
Just laid eyes on you for the first time. Fell for you immediately. What's not to love? Those tiny hands had me gushing. And that large, smooth head? Stunning. Not only are you gorgeous. You're clearly a genius, too.
Sure, you still have a few months to go before you join us in the outside world. But after peering in raptures at those black and white ultrasound images of you at 21 weeks, floating serenely in your bubble of amniotic fluid, I've never been more certain of anything.
A baby - gifted, irresistibly loveable and destined to change the world - is on the way.
Now, some will say I'm biased, you being my first grandchild and all. So let this be my first piece of grandfatherly advice. Ignore the doomsayers and sceptics. They're just being human - a species that spends more time raking over its past and anguishing over its future than concentrating on the present.
Pessimists will tell you our world is getting bleaker by the day. They say the lights will soon go out on humanity. Like sailors in the middle ages who scrawled "Here be dragons" across the uncharted sections of their maps, the dangerous unknown to these people is the future, embraced only by fools and starry-eyed dreamers.
Their latest concern - panic would not be too mild a word - is that we're not producing enough babies like you. "More children, please" has become a government mantra, adding further pressure to a generation already battling inflation and an uncertain work future.
Birth rates have been plummeting around the world for the past half century, and not just in the affluent West.
In 1950 women had an average of 4.7 children during their lifetime. The global fertility rate has now sunk to 2.2, with countries like South Korea, Portugal, Italy and Thailand facing a halving of their populations by the end of this century.
The future, according to the doomsayers, is old and wrinkly. One study by an American university claimed there were more than 141 million people in the world over the age of 80 in 2017.
By 2100 there will be 866 million.
The pessimists believe our shrinking population will create societal chaos and decline. Brutal conflicts will erupt as poor countries with exploding numbers fight for ever-decreasing resources. Wealthy countries like us (Australia's fertility rate is currently 1.65 and declining) will lose their tax bases. Unable to afford to care for their growing army of elderly they will have to massively hike migration levels, creating further disruption.
And all this playing out in a world being heated and reshaped by man-made climate change.
You sure you want to leave that protective womb in a few months, kid?
Well, there's a good reason you should ignore the doomsayers. They almost always get it wrong.
Those of us who grew up half a century ago believing the future would involve flying cars and interplanetary vacations were soon taught otherwise as a leading US biologist, Paul Ehrlich, achieved superstardom with nightmarish forecasts of an overpopulated world facing mass starvation.
"Most of the people who are going to die in the greatest cataclysm in the history of man have already been born," predicted Ehrlich in 1969. By the mid-70s, he claimed, "food shortages will have escalated the present level of world hunger and starvation into famines of unbelievable proportions."
Ehrlich's pessimistic forecasts reached an hysterical peak in the mid-70s with the movie Soylent Green, a dystopian thriller starring Charlton Heston. The film depicted an Earth on the brink of total collapse in 2022 from poverty, inequality, overpopulation, pollution and rising heat levels. Its climax revealed a desperate world turning to its last reliable food source - processing the dead into bite-sized wafers.
But Ehrlich and his many overpopulation groupies ignored what was happening in front of them. Freed by the Pill and a social revolution allowing them better education and greater equality, women were already delaying having babies.
Technological developments and rapid production improvements also led to an embarrassing overabundance of food in the western world, even while African nations starved.
So, kid, I'm not so pessimistic anymore about the world in which you'll grow up. Sure, there will be enormous challenges. But unforeseen developments in Artificial Intelligence, medicine or even our ability to reverse climate change might change things dramatically.
I'd rather depend on something I felt as I peered at you for the first time in those blurry images.
A little faith.
Here's looking at you, kid.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Should Australia further lift migration levels to boost our population? Are plummeting birth rates anything to be worried about? Did having grandchildren change your view about the future? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Tributes are pouring in for Australia's longest running radio host Bob Rogers who has died aged 97. The broadcaster whose career spanned seven decades died at his Mosman home on Wednesday.
- Tesla and BYD are still racing one another for pole position in the worldwide electric car market, a study has found, but some popular brands are falling further behind their lead. The International Council on Clean Transportation released the findings on Thursday in a report that analysed electric car plans and offerings from 21 of the world's largest vehicle brands.
- The Albanese government has defended controversial legislation that bans the live export of sheep by sea and which has been slammed as destroying the livelihoods of thousands of farmers. The federal government introduced laws to the lower house on Thursday that would commit to banning live exports by May 2028.
THEY SAID IT: "The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy." - Sam Levenson
YOU SAID IT: John suggested several pollies and a few dodgy practices that could ditched if ever there was a spring clean at Parliament House.
Lee writes: "I do think that alcohol should be banned at Parliament House. I understand they want it for special occasions. When this happens it could be low alcohol or non-alcoholic. I would get rid of those you have mentioned and Pauline Hanson and probably Bob Katter. They really are just taking up space."
"Parliament, what a circus, what an example," writes Louise. "Half look as though they are suffering from hangovers the way they perform. If our children acted like most of these politicians, we would wonder where we had gone wrong."
Christopher takes issue with the suggestion we could hear less from Max Chandler-Mather, the Greens housing firebrand. "The Greens would not need to bang on endlessly if the landlords in Parliament stopped looking after their private interests - another reason for Angus Taylor to go. Richard Marles could be made to sit permanently in the parliamentary bathtub playing with toy submarines until he dissolves and can be flushed."
"Love your piece and agree with all your suggestions," writes Jacqui. "I'm so sick of Chandler-Mather and his myopic view of all things housing; and completely agree that Tehan's muppet like presentation is tortuous. Time for a shuffle or two."